04/02/2012
29/01/2012
19/01/2012
15/01/2012
02/12/2011
I love you Berry
Unbearable emptiness. Last night (30/11/11) died my best friend in the world. Red, English Cocker Spaniel Berry. He was 15 years old. He died of old age, but this is not easier. Don't know how to survive. I regret about so many things. In truth, I left so many times when he wanted to go with me and looked at the track, I have been rough sometimes ... and it was so easy to make him happy. Take a walk, hug, caress, feed, play ... He was always so happy to see me. Real friend. He does not care who I am, good, bad , successful or not. A special relationship where words are not needed. And now I sit and stroke imaginary Berry. We met when both were puppies. I 7 years old, he was 7 months old, and since then he always been with me. Always. He always felt me and I felt him. Last year or two he began to fade, almost lost his hearing, eyesight, began to lose weight. He died in my arms. And the last 2 days he couldn't get up, didn't drink didn't eat, and the worst thing about this is that you can't change it, stop it, can't help and must accept it. No one will replace him, because it was a special dog, my most nearest creature in the world, my dear friend. My friend. But even at death's door when I stroked him and spoke to him he slightly wagged his little tail, still recognizing me and even comforted with it. He loved to eat and died hungry. He just couldn't eat. Couldn't even open the mouth. I ran to him, checked every second and that's when I went to check again, I noticed that his front paws twitching, I began to touch it, stroke him and I felt each of his shudder through myself as electroshock.
Then he stretched out, as usual dogs stretch after a nap, stretched out his legs and neck, very strongly, even opened his mouth, stood for a moment and completely relaxed. His heart was very strong, continued to beat more long, but he was already dead. What was that? He felt hurt? Or so it was supposed to be? I didn't want him to feel pain. And I don't know that now. Where is he? Where they all after death? Who knows? He feels good? Who or what he is now? I just want him to be happy and continued to live. I very badly want to meet him again.
Berry I miss you so much. I love you forever and ever my lovely little dog, my ray of light, my best friend and much much more
Then he stretched out, as usual dogs stretch after a nap, stretched out his legs and neck, very strongly, even opened his mouth, stood for a moment and completely relaxed. His heart was very strong, continued to beat more long, but he was already dead. What was that? He felt hurt? Or so it was supposed to be? I didn't want him to feel pain. And I don't know that now. Where is he? Where they all after death? Who knows? He feels good? Who or what he is now? I just want him to be happy and continued to live. I very badly want to meet him again.
Berry I miss you so much. I love you forever and ever my lovely little dog, my ray of light, my best friend and much much more
29/11/2011
Mr. Berry, beautiful wayward creature so soft and always in a good spirit.
my dog is dying. I don't know why I write this, just kind of frustrating. He is an old, very old. 17 years. hardly standing on his feet, actually blind and deaf. and I just can't put to sleep /put to death.
yes he is suffering but I'm just have no right. only if he could ask for ... we are together since both were puppies, and I swear it's the best and faithful friend.
creature does not conscious but is able to feel even when all the physical senses surrendered. I see his hurt, he breathes heavily but I can't help. only stroke him, remind how much I love him what a good friend he is, and apologize if I was not careful enough and sometimes does not fair. Recent years, when I am began to realize that he will die soon, I began to appreciate every millisecond, I was so happy to him, and he to me.
I really do want that he turned back into a puppy or just was young and full of energy. my good old buddy, he was always with me. I didn't choose him, he didn't choose me, it just happened. and no matter what a bitch I am sometimes, and no matter how successful or loser I am, he has never left me. He always, I swear he was always with me, he was always so happy to see me. it's so easy to make him happy. and even now, he is at death's door, but when I touch him he slightly wags his tail. My lovely little dog. Now I'll be completely alone in this hole and nothing holds me. pick up the last anchor. if you believe in reincarnation then is easier. then you might think that he finally leaving Hell that named Earth. and I'm asked him to give me a sign when he landed back home.
Yet he had fallen asleep and pain departed, and I hope and pray to meet him tomorrow and once again take a walk
yes he is suffering but I'm just have no right. only if he could ask for ... we are together since both were puppies, and I swear it's the best and faithful friend.
creature does not conscious but is able to feel even when all the physical senses surrendered. I see his hurt, he breathes heavily but I can't help. only stroke him, remind how much I love him what a good friend he is, and apologize if I was not careful enough and sometimes does not fair. Recent years, when I am began to realize that he will die soon, I began to appreciate every millisecond, I was so happy to him, and he to me.
I really do want that he turned back into a puppy or just was young and full of energy. my good old buddy, he was always with me. I didn't choose him, he didn't choose me, it just happened. and no matter what a bitch I am sometimes, and no matter how successful or loser I am, he has never left me. He always, I swear he was always with me, he was always so happy to see me. it's so easy to make him happy. and even now, he is at death's door, but when I touch him he slightly wags his tail. My lovely little dog. Now I'll be completely alone in this hole and nothing holds me. pick up the last anchor. if you believe in reincarnation then is easier. then you might think that he finally leaving Hell that named Earth. and I'm asked him to give me a sign when he landed back home.
Yet he had fallen asleep and pain departed, and I hope and pray to meet him tomorrow and once again take a walk
28/11/2011
17/11/2011
14/11/2011
there's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you.
you learn to accept the person as he is. you suffer. you become enlightened.
Love is the harmony of good and evil. Love without pain is not love.
If only it were as good as we want it, then we wouldn't have desires, we wouldn't have sought to the changes, and life would be deadly boring, one-sided.
usually evil, outweighs good, but due to this good becomes much more valuable. as museum piece, as delicacy. evil in the nature of things as a necessity, good as a gift. But unfortunately, we, are human beings, tend to take evil as an undeserved punishment and good as a tribute. Although, personally I think that we never getting more than we deserve. we are never getting more than we can bear.
my disordered thoughts smoothly flow from wind in a net
I just know how to think, I like to think, but it is quite useless and unproductive exercise.
Who know, may someday it at least a little will help someone to understand something important, because while reading such stream of thought you also begin to think and your brain blender begins to grind information faster, or vice versa, such porridge like a bog for your mind .
or may someday it will help me feel better
you learn to accept the person as he is. you suffer. you become enlightened.
Love is the harmony of good and evil. Love without pain is not love.
If only it were as good as we want it, then we wouldn't have desires, we wouldn't have sought to the changes, and life would be deadly boring, one-sided.
usually evil, outweighs good, but due to this good becomes much more valuable. as museum piece, as delicacy. evil in the nature of things as a necessity, good as a gift. But unfortunately, we, are human beings, tend to take evil as an undeserved punishment and good as a tribute. Although, personally I think that we never getting more than we deserve. we are never getting more than we can bear.
my disordered thoughts smoothly flow from wind in a net
I just know how to think, I like to think, but it is quite useless and unproductive exercise.
Who know, may someday it at least a little will help someone to understand something important, because while reading such stream of thought you also begin to think and your brain blender begins to grind information faster, or vice versa, such porridge like a bog for your mind .
or may someday it will help me feel better
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