Mr. Berry, beautiful wayward creature so soft and always in a good spirit.

 my dog is dying. I don't know why I write this, just kind of frustrating. He is an old, very old. 17 years. hardly standing on his feet, actually blind and deaf. and I just can't put to sleep /put to death.
yes he is suffering but I'm just have no right. only if he could ask for ... we are together since both were puppies, and I swear it's the best and faithful friend.
creature does not conscious but is able to feel even when all the physical senses surrendered. I see his hurt, he breathes heavily but I can't help. only stroke him, remind how much I love him what a good friend he is, and apologize if I was not careful enough and sometimes does not fair. Recent years, when I am began to realize that he will die soon, I began to appreciate every millisecond, I was so happy to him, and he to me.
I really do want that he turned back into a puppy or just was young and full of energy. my good old buddy, he was always with me. I didn't choose him, he didn't choose me, it just happened. and no matter what a bitch I am sometimes, and no matter how successful or loser I am, he has never left me. He always, I swear he was always with me, he was always so happy to see me.  it's so easy to make him happy. and even now, he is at death's door, but when I touch him he slightly wags his tail. My lovely little dog. Now I'll be completely alone in this hole and nothing holds me. pick up the last anchor. if you believe in reincarnation then is easier. then you might think that he finally leaving Hell that named Earth. and I'm asked him to give me a sign when he landed back home.
Yet he had fallen asleep and pain departed, and I hope and pray to meet him tomorrow and once again take a walk

Locks of gold hair

LOVE IS FOR THE LIVING

LIFTL

there's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you.
you learn to accept the person as he is. you suffer. you become enlightened.
Love is the harmony of good and evil. Love without pain is not love.
If only it were as good as we want it, then we wouldn't have desires, we wouldn't have sought to the changes, and life would be deadly boring, one-sided.
usually  evil, outweighs good, but due to this good becomes much more valuable. as museum piece, as delicacy. evil in the nature of things as a necessity, good as a gift. But unfortunately, we, are human beings, tend to take evil as an undeserved punishment and good as a tribute. Although, personally I think that we never getting more than we deserve. we are never getting more than we can bear.
 my disordered thoughts smoothly flow from wind in a net
I just know how to think, I like to think, but it is quite useless and unproductive exercise.  
Who know, may someday it at least a little will help someone to understand something important, because while reading such stream of thought you also begin to think and your brain blender begins to grind information faster, or vice versa, such porridge like a bog for your mind . 
or may someday it will help me feel better

all I know is that I know nothing (my fucking philosophy)

As for me, all I know is that I know nothing, for when I don't know what justice is, I'll hardly know whether it is a kind of virtue or not, or whether a person who has it is happy or unhappy....
I have my opinion and point of view, but even that was formed thanks to all that I heard and saw during the life.
 How many people as much opinions. Therefore should be very careful and "long-sighted" to choose the views that best for you and don't hurry with conclusions.
The world unchanged. The world is peace. The world doesn't punish us, the world doesn't make a favours for us, the world is is calm and harmonious.
 Judge for yourself! when we feel bad, when we are filled with fears, doubts, grievances, and other shit, the world - is shit. We are peer into the world of detail and of course we only see flaws.
Because we look no further than own noses. We are concentrate on ourselves and our negative feelings. We make a tragedy of broken cup and exaggerating any other things over which could bravely laugh.
And vice versa;
when we are happy, we don't pay attention to minor flaws, in fact, we even manage to find the pluses in minuses. (my god, it's really elementary, just draw to the minus one more dash)
And when we become happy? When we love, when we demand, when we realize themselves, when we have a clear dreams, when we dream about this, when we move to the target. Is it in such moments, you will say that you are cursed and doomed? (We just don't like the responsibility for own will,
and for this we always find someone to blame. Guilty may be your friend, your family, your beloved, and even life. 'Life is shit. Life is is guilty that everything bad. I nothing to do with!' isn't funny?)
When you're busy with something good for you, something that absorbs you completely, then you have no time to dig earth's core.
And now think about again,
when everything bad it is because everything actually bad, or because we see it so?
Good phrase  'if you can't change the world, change yourself', but as it turned out, the world doesn't even need to change, but to change yourself...oh  it's so hard as to change the whole world. sometimes even harder.
because each of us is a whole galaxy. I don't know the formula how to do this. I really know nothing. but I know how to think and my skill tells me that the only way to change something and achieve something, it is to want it and dream about it. ery very much. Because when you want something very very much, you immediately start looking for ways to get it. But to do all this you need only one thing:

1- to think about it

A perfect place

cold. An autumn. mud and mist. tightly dormant dried plants fill the space its prim shades
a few kids are standing in the field. Boy's eyes filled with tears, the children stood motionless.
They look at the barbed wire fence.
He blinked again...
- Why can't we go there? a fair-haired kid asked
- We just can't go. this is forbidden zone. the other fat boy said
- But there is no one! protested the girl
- We will be scold and punished if we jump over the fence. Explained perspiring of fear fat boy. He was scared. After all the horrible stories of his limited father, feeling of fear completely absorb all other feelings of interest, enthusiasm and childish passion for adventures.
Children that grow up in the working class families on the outskirts of belligerent island, impossible to meet playing with dolls, touch and run, at playgrounds etc. Only ball and wars. They don't like each other, they quietly despise their parents, they are hate war. They roam around the ruins of the abandoned, crushed houses, felled forests, burned fields.
The age of eleven they are getting ready to have sex, to smoke weed, to get drunk in the trash, fight, to have abortions, to steal, lie and even kill. They are prepared to be cool, though it is not the fact that they know that the word "cool" has two meanings.
- This is the best place I've ever seen. said fair-haired kid
- Nothing special. disagreed fatty.
- There is another sky. Clouds floating in the the opposite direction. It is here, behind a fence. began think up a girl
- I'm going. fair-haired said and started to get through the gap between bars of the fence.
- I'm with you. joined him rapturous girl
- Assholes! You will stumble on a bomb and then it will be many pieces of assholes. Ha-ha, shouted to them in the back the fat boy.
- Fence doesn't mean anything. if there is a bomb then you can stand on one of them right now. shouted a bully girl.
Fatty quickly bounced from place where he stood and began to examine the ground around him.
- The earth is soft, do you feel it? a pale boy asked on the way
- Yes, really. Look what I have. Girl pulled from a wide coat pocket some thing reminiscent of brick with a small hole and the wedge in it
- What is it? This is real? the boy stopped walk
-  I don't know. I stole the bomb from my dad
 - Want to try explode it?
At this time the fatty dared to climb over the fence and join the kids or to stay with the status of the coward and go home.
- Hey you,losers, wait for me!
- Yeah, let's try where should we ...When suddenly shout of the fat boy and inconceivable explosion behind the kids deafened them.A cloud of explosion slowly absorbed into the skies without leaving a trace.
Boy's eyes filled with tears, the children stood motionless.  They look at the barbed wire fence. 

He blinked for the first time...

when i will too

When I Grow Up from Fever Ray on Vimeo.
Directed by Martin de Thurrah
Music by Fever Ray: feverray.com

love is...

From the future book Aslanova K. "Theories and hypotheses of relationships in practice"
...when I'm in deep shit he licks me from head to toe, and swallows it all, (and it works)
when he is in the shit I instantly doubly infected and I try to lick his brain,(Mike, does it work?) because that's where the shit comes! (We are different, but all methods are good. what can I say)
and it comes there because the first you voluntarily swallow it,
but when such things happens that you wish voluntarily take a sip of shit?
Only when you truly love someone.
When we are both in deep shit at the same time each of us realize that "Oh shit, he / she in deep shit, I'm not so important right now" and we will with lightning speed go to the shower togethermutual support it called
here is such connection
here is such closeness
here is such togetherness
here is such love...

Yellow imagination of lilac coat

- Maybe I have cancer? Or some other incurable dental disease?
She stood in the kitchen and looked at the autumn landscape of debris in her window.
- If there was cancer of stupidity you would definitely been ill, - her fussy mum said, and slammed the door. She felt as if little slippery worms had a bath in her head. They laughed and drunk champagne from crystal glasses that borrowed in the sideboard that stood in the corner of her skull. Their ties, jackets and heels were scattered all over the head. This time it was a office worker-worm, his worm-wife, and their worm-mistress. Outside the window, screamed worms-kids and all the time didn't let them concentrate on their orgasms. The dog began spinning around its own axis.
- Noooooo! Please don't! Okay, okay, let's go for a walk!
She dressed beige corduroy pants, terrible style, (which she had already more than 5 years and constantly tried to alter them, making it narrower and narrower, but style still intolerable),and stupid lilac coat, in the form of a bell.
She carried her vegetable dog outside and as long as he like frostbitten stood shaking his head  she began to watch the falling leaves. Under the feet was formed a real autumn carpet. I hate carpets.
-Lilac color is definitely in harmony with the yellow leaves, I make at least some creative effect in the world. maybe I should stay there until the wipers will sweep away the leaves? Then I'll know for sure that I must go, to another location in the search of harmony. I was born in autumn.
One leaf was falling so slowly, naturally. Waltzing in the space of earth and sky it is resignedly but proudly took its place on the carpet with its cousins. The other leaf, having made a few choleric rotations, spun around so hard that blew away itself into a puddle. Noble but nasty girl decided to help the trees to get rid of their old and not trendy attires and shook one of them thus caught under the Starfall of leaves. Actually this day girl was so bored and sad that she decided to have fun with such latest idiotic way.
The dog happily took a run and hit his head against the wall,  then stood up and ran on.
-Why are you doing this? The girl was funny and sorry for dog.
She imagined how dog turns into young puppy in a silk green scarf and leather hat with a cup of tea in the legs, coming to her, said - well, I must go, - make a curtsy, puts the pilot glasses and flies away in his doggy helicopter. She looks at the sky, wiping away the tears by one leaf of yellow carpet brotherhood and the helicopter writes in the sky "see you..."
He flies away and putting head down she sees a little piece of avian shit on her sleeve. She gazes into this picture and see how out of shit starts to grow a small narcissus flower, - Oh my god, avian shit is not a sign of money, it is a sign of flowers! Said out loud anxious girl. She hastily lifted vegetable dog and hurried home, telling him about perfect balance of yellow and lilac colours.
At home she has determined that flower grows out of her hand.In a such moments, you don't know who to call and what to say, but she began to search mobile, but returned to the kitchen where she had left a dog, was lying only green silk scarf, and in the sky was visible white stripe of helicopter.
She stared out the window when her mum came home.
- Are you still sit back? asked mum
- Mom, I'm definitely sick ...
- Oh please, just don't start over again, by the way, and where the dog?
- He flew away mum
- Sorry?
- I have something to show you
- What did you say about dog?
- Do you know any diseases when from the people grow plants?
- Sorry?
...

My romantic and broken...

i can't speak i'm so cold

but I'll come with the sun

that will never want leave you

that always so warm,

I am, and I will, I will always be here

but i can't admit that i was until,

Although was the same as before universe,

ideas and dreams, and certainly nothing

and then it was you, when nobody cares,

we doomed to love, being stuffed of laughing,

my gentleman,beast

My prudent sharp strife

before, i would sell, forego this dumb life

but now life has turned in the being of you

most precious and sacred that ever can be

my laugh and my wrists all this is for you

just take all of this, not forget super glue

my dreams, my pillow and my knees

for you my dear, my darling cheese

my walks, my cigs,an ardent temper

lie in the oven close to Pepper

behind the cupboard, after socks

my fingers hiding like a locks

my soul that always so ethereal

awaits in lumber-room of cereal

just look forward, keep spirit free

ahead where other parts of me

somewhere on bench

my kiss in  french

where sky in frame

filled of the planes

and falling stars

of coldest Mars

the dawn or dark

continue to hark

the sadness or fun

keep running to sun

that i'll bring to you

together with glue