I love you Berry

Unbearable emptiness. Last night (30/11/11) died my best friend in the world. Red, English Cocker Spaniel Berry. He was 15 years old. He died of old age, but this is not easier. Don't know how to survive. I regret about so many things. In truth, I left so many times when he wanted to go with me and looked at the track, I have been rough sometimes ... and it was so easy to make him happy. Take a walk, hug, caress, feed, play ... He was always so happy to see me. Real friend. He does not care who I am, good, bad , successful or not. A special relationship where words are not needed. And now I sit and stroke imaginary Berry. We met when both were puppies. I 7 years old, he was 7 months old, and since then he always been with me. Always. He always felt me and I felt him. Last year or two he began to fade, almost lost his hearing, eyesight, began to lose weight. He died in my arms. And the last 2 days he couldn't get up, didn't drink didn't eat, and the worst thing about this is that you can't change it, stop it, can't help and must accept it. No one will replace him, because it was a special dog, my most nearest creature in the world, my dear friend. My friend. But even at death's door when I stroked him and spoke to him he slightly wagged his little tail, still recognizing me and even comforted with it. He loved to eat and died hungry. He just couldn't eat. Couldn't even open the mouth. I ran to him, checked every second and that's when I went to check again, I noticed that his front paws twitching, I began to touch it, stroke him and I felt each of his shudder through myself as electroshock.
 Then he stretched out, as usual dogs stretch after a nap, stretched out his legs and neck, very strongly, even opened his mouth, stood for a moment and completely relaxed. His heart was very strong, continued to beat more long, but he was already dead. What was that? He felt hurt? Or so it was supposed to be? I didn't want him to feel pain. And I don't know that now. Where is he? Where they all after death? Who knows? He feels good? Who or what he is now? I just want him to be happy and continued to live. I very badly want to meet him again. 
Berry I miss you so much. I love you forever and ever my lovely little dog, my ray of light, my best friend and much much more

Mr. Berry, beautiful wayward creature so soft and always in a good spirit.

 my dog is dying. I don't know why I write this, just kind of frustrating. He is an old, very old. 17 years. hardly standing on his feet, actually blind and deaf. and I just can't put to sleep /put to death.
yes he is suffering but I'm just have no right. only if he could ask for ... we are together since both were puppies, and I swear it's the best and faithful friend.
creature does not conscious but is able to feel even when all the physical senses surrendered. I see his hurt, he breathes heavily but I can't help. only stroke him, remind how much I love him what a good friend he is, and apologize if I was not careful enough and sometimes does not fair. Recent years, when I am began to realize that he will die soon, I began to appreciate every millisecond, I was so happy to him, and he to me.
I really do want that he turned back into a puppy or just was young and full of energy. my good old buddy, he was always with me. I didn't choose him, he didn't choose me, it just happened. and no matter what a bitch I am sometimes, and no matter how successful or loser I am, he has never left me. He always, I swear he was always with me, he was always so happy to see me.  it's so easy to make him happy. and even now, he is at death's door, but when I touch him he slightly wags his tail. My lovely little dog. Now I'll be completely alone in this hole and nothing holds me. pick up the last anchor. if you believe in reincarnation then is easier. then you might think that he finally leaving Hell that named Earth. and I'm asked him to give me a sign when he landed back home.
Yet he had fallen asleep and pain departed, and I hope and pray to meet him tomorrow and once again take a walk

Yellow imagination of lilac coat

- Maybe I have cancer? Or some other incurable dental disease?
She stood in the kitchen and looked at the autumn landscape of debris in her window.
- If there was cancer of stupidity you would definitely been ill, - her fussy mum said, and slammed the door. She felt as if little slippery worms had a bath in her head. They laughed and drunk champagne from crystal glasses that borrowed in the sideboard that stood in the corner of her skull. Their ties, jackets and heels were scattered all over the head. This time it was a office worker-worm, his worm-wife, and their worm-mistress. Outside the window, screamed worms-kids and all the time didn't let them concentrate on their orgasms. The dog began spinning around its own axis.
- Noooooo! Please don't! Okay, okay, let's go for a walk!
She dressed beige corduroy pants, terrible style, (which she had already more than 5 years and constantly tried to alter them, making it narrower and narrower, but style still intolerable),and stupid lilac coat, in the form of a bell.
She carried her vegetable dog outside and as long as he like frostbitten stood shaking his head  she began to watch the falling leaves. Under the feet was formed a real autumn carpet. I hate carpets.
-Lilac color is definitely in harmony with the yellow leaves, I make at least some creative effect in the world. maybe I should stay there until the wipers will sweep away the leaves? Then I'll know for sure that I must go, to another location in the search of harmony. I was born in autumn.
One leaf was falling so slowly, naturally. Waltzing in the space of earth and sky it is resignedly but proudly took its place on the carpet with its cousins. The other leaf, having made a few choleric rotations, spun around so hard that blew away itself into a puddle. Noble but nasty girl decided to help the trees to get rid of their old and not trendy attires and shook one of them thus caught under the Starfall of leaves. Actually this day girl was so bored and sad that she decided to have fun with such latest idiotic way.
The dog happily took a run and hit his head against the wall,  then stood up and ran on.
-Why are you doing this? The girl was funny and sorry for dog.
She imagined how dog turns into young puppy in a silk green scarf and leather hat with a cup of tea in the legs, coming to her, said - well, I must go, - make a curtsy, puts the pilot glasses and flies away in his doggy helicopter. She looks at the sky, wiping away the tears by one leaf of yellow carpet brotherhood and the helicopter writes in the sky "see you..."
He flies away and putting head down she sees a little piece of avian shit on her sleeve. She gazes into this picture and see how out of shit starts to grow a small narcissus flower, - Oh my god, avian shit is not a sign of money, it is a sign of flowers! Said out loud anxious girl. She hastily lifted vegetable dog and hurried home, telling him about perfect balance of yellow and lilac colours.
At home she has determined that flower grows out of her hand.In a such moments, you don't know who to call and what to say, but she began to search mobile, but returned to the kitchen where she had left a dog, was lying only green silk scarf, and in the sky was visible white stripe of helicopter.
She stared out the window when her mum came home.
- Are you still sit back? asked mum
- Mom, I'm definitely sick ...
- Oh please, just don't start over again, by the way, and where the dog?
- He flew away mum
- Sorry?
- I have something to show you
- What did you say about dog?
- Do you know any diseases when from the people grow plants?
- Sorry?
...

No I'm not drunk, I'm just dancing
No I'm not sick, it's my style
Well no I'm not dead, I'm just sleeping
Waking up will take a while (c)

I had nothing to do, so I did this