in the bed of my head

04/09/2011

21-22-23 id like to die in agony

I will never be 21 again.
just higher and higher. older and older. though why I'm exaggerating? I heard that up to 25 years, people continue to grow. oh please, not just in the width
several hours to 22 and I should take stock of the past year. I hate to think about it (because usually I can not remember anything good) but do it with own will
just later something becomes clearer.
Well, let's start with the bad:

during the year I didnt find a decent job for the soul
I still live with my parents
I head over ears in debt
my dog is very slowly and painful dying all this year
I ruined my teeth, started sluggishly flowing bulimia and I'm losing hair
I didnt finished repair in the room and my "bed" is not even similar to bed
I forgot how to be alone
future still not clear and scary for me
Now it seems to me that what I want is quite impossible, but sake fuck, I know that it only seems so
my baby is not happy
I tried not good enough, I initially at 21 didnt set desired goals for the year, and now all of this helter-skelter

And now the good side in 21:

I threw out all the trash. I threw out everything that I do not need. not even drop of doubts nor of regrets second. and this is very ambiguously

1 - in the material sense, I really got rid of the huge amount of rubbish, even the chairs, table and piece of the bed
2 - I got rid of friends. true. and I put it in the good side because they distracted me. to distract me, it's very easy, I like to pay attention to everything around. but with the appearance of really significant priorities, I realized how much of time (and alot of money too) I spent on all sorts of parties, clothes, booze, etc. I cant say that I dont like it. I just got tired of it. it's boring, it's very limited things. I certainly love to have fun and this is the best for today that I can do, but getting something much larger, stronger, nicer and deeper than fun you instantly discover the price of this happiness, and all becomes clear
+ You cant have many friends, usually the term "many friends" called loneliness. (Im confident that many of you know what that means), friend, he is one, and I have my friend. so what if he is also my lover!?

I began to actively and diligently make music and the funniest thing, I see in this fraction of future
T-shirts
I had 2 best weeks in my life, no, better to say I had 2 weeks of life, which will soon continue, and I believe that will continue over and over again
compared with last September I lost 10 kilograms. I'm still fat but is a little better
I still hold on tradition to do at least one video every two months
I realized that important thing is not to fuss and did not in a hurry. everything that is yours, it will be yours anyway. sometimes you dont even need to specially do something and do not want, and then you start to get
simultaneously with the above, I assert that all efforts are worthwhile. if you try- everything as you want that in the end
and the most sweetest and beautiful, I have the coolest thing in the world, in my life is love, and I'm not even going to explain anything here.

I have desires, goals, and slowly but surely I'm coming.

17/08/2011

Dear Universe let us be

To be. To be alive, to live, move and grow somehow, everything in the world in need of support. Little jolt to start
Nothing comes without the help of someone else before
To get your rum with coca visitor needs and barman
to grow a tree you need to put the seed into the ground. Even something that is not responsible for itself during the life still need to get start from someone creator.(When you make a cup of tea, you also considered the creator of this portion of the drink. All we gods for themselves)

Yes, I've got life thanks to (By the way not sure about thanks but still ...) parents and some higher power, but I dont mean just being a vegetable, I mean life
I mean to live. Some kind of foundation and base.
Dear Universe, my name is Karina, but you can call me Karen if is more comfortable for you, but anyway, you should know me. you has created me. so listen um motherfucker, yooiyo and check me out..hah.I'm joking dear universe, so listen, I really love you, you did a great job creating this world, but please, support it a bit.We are your creations, your children and we need your support. We fucking bacteria in the world. fleas on the back of the beast. regression.lonely and abandoned
I think that you, the universe actually a little boy who played in the creator but couldn't breathe in the consciousness of their creations and then just gave up.but usually kids tend to grow up. Whatever it was I want to talk about myself. Yes, arrogantly and selfishly. so, I was born, had quite satisfactory childhood and my parents gave me everything they had. no matter how much. and thank you for what they had and for what I've got. But now, 21. Almost 22. but I feel like 2fucking22. and I have nothing. absolutely nothing/ im nobody actually. but I'm someone. Cuz I'm in love with such beautiful person. I'm sorry but i love him more than you. But you, dear mother nature, should be happy, I'm doing my duty. I love. And back to my monologue, I have a problems. Yeah you know about it and you let it be, but listen,I really have nothing except him, and all I want is to be with him, but to be with him, I should have cash and the possibility to move around the world. cuz he is so far, but so close to me. I don't know what I have to do. My work isn't my mission, that's why is going so bad. Actually I think my mission is to love him. Cuz I can. I'm able. I know for sure how to do it. I can make him happy and it make me happy. so happy. Also I can do so many things but I can't found the ways how to do it, where it needed. Nevertheless I continue to do alone, and such dilettantish, amateur styles but I can do more and you know about it. I love him so much. He is my life. My everything. And i want to use all of my talents to be with him. Without termination without interruptions. Be closer, be together in our togetherness. I would preferred to other problems instead of problems of constant insidious distances and its such hard and expensive overcome. So please, dear universe, help me. Help me to find way out. As you see, people has made such horrible way to be (like 12hours working day, and where to find time to love, to enjoy the life? Cuz it's so hard, to find job with which you can enjoy the life) but I know, I believe, there is definitely have to be my perfect way out. I guess you disappointed of people but please don't leave them alone. We are so vulnerable and stupid. Please, don't leave him. he is so wonderful, such talented person. Have you seen how he knows how to rejoice? Have you seen how he claps his hands? Have you seen with what interest he looks at your world? Do you know how much he hates your world? If you dear universe, one day, will take human shape and visit the Earth then let's meet and I'll tell you about him. It will take several years. he deserve for your support. He too good for this planet, too good too be your creature. Your creatures is nothing but scavengers and crawlers. I want to make you repent. Sounds ridiculous. I know, but I'm hurt for this deserted world .We are born and we cry because we are not happy to be here. Then we enjoy some time that what we have, but then becoming unhappy. Have you noticed? Why? Is it make you happy?
Oh dear universe,
I beg you, help us to find the way to be together.
And i promise, you'll be happy to watching us.

07/07/2011

Dear ancestors! Dear mothers and fathers! Fuck you all! Cheers!

Who fucking hell gave you the right to advise and judge us? (And by the way dear readers, don't think that this is a manifestation of my hidden childhood insults or anger, I write it all in a very ironic and a bit rebellious mood)

So, mums and dads, who gave you this shitty right, to give us, completely (judging by the experience) different generation, advice? How dare you give us advice when you're not okay? You are not diligent standard of living, and your bitter experience is not an example and instruction for others, it archives of your stupidity! Just in the majority of yours, you would like to realize your unfulfilled dreams and goals using such a little life, that you feel is your personal property and think that have rights to dispose this life as you please, as your children!!! Who told you that you know better? (Who actually decides what is right and what is not (besides us)) Your parents?Tit for tat, ha? Or how? Or do you think if you HAVE TO support us for a while, and share with us everything that you have then you have right to make decisions for us and tell us what to do? Don't forget that no one asked you and didn't force to give us birth! You call it - the responsibility, that we don't understand or don't admit, but you never hear when we tell you - this is not a manifestation of responsibility is just some silly antics! Do you think we say so only for the sake of dispute? For the sake of disagreeing? For the sake of sake? Oh yes, your precious responsibility for your creations! Yours (as many are fond of saying), unselfish, unconditional love! unconditional love? But remind from 18 years (or sooner) about how much you give to us? how it hard contain us! how many good things you do for us! How strongly deny yourself the pleasures of life for us! This is not a manifestation of conditionality? Maybe you just like to to pretend the victims, because thanks that you always have an excuse of all your failures? Your unconditional love as well as maternal instinct (which actually doesn't exist) just your stinky excuse.

How can we talk to you if all of what you hear you say "from whom you picked up this?" or "your speech - is lost upbringing" you cannot even imagine that our words can be OUR thoughts, indeed. At the same time you (and we too btw),want to be perceived as you are. fucking ridiculous. Believe me, in this our generations the same. But only in this.

Our generation finds drugs as a cure of this horrible form of life, from this way of life that you and your ancestors formed so many years.

Our generation prefers anorexia as a standard of beauty, our generation have to to fuck in the stinking toilets just because we have nowhere else.

Our generation prefers to sleep outdoors in own vomit than go back to you. Yes, our generation doesn't speak, our generation tweets. Our generation is a backlash to all your aspirations, desires, and attempts.

Our generation is your mirror.

Our generation is created to destroy and crush all that you have built for so long. You've reached all the best, and what's next? You have reached the maximum, you take away everything, you have lived all! and made up decorated, finished life-script for us. But you have missed and always miss one thing, the fact that we want to live in our own way. You have done everything. You didn't saved for us nor place nor imagination nor even money. Only chronic disease, robots (formerly of whom, wrote only in the books), and rotting planet filled with genetically modified food.

so what do you want from us?

Earth - the planet of losers.

But well, I'd like to give you my advice.

Go on!

Just continue to love creatures of your hands,

by your unselfish love.

30/06/2011

more http://snd.sc/indb4i http://youtu.be/nx-tNyaBIPI on Twitpic

we're not bothered...

sorry ryan

men's needs (the cribs cover live) by love is for the living

27/06/2011

love is for the living

21/05/2011

Success and pride! or simply - the failure

I've finished course of English. it was fun, amusing, exciting and very very helpful(as you can see below)!!!I am constantly amused my class and got the nickname "Queen of the lateness" because of the 3 months I arrived in time only one time.
teacher said that she loves me but...