An observational essay on how to live your life knowing how horrible and hopeless life is

Things that have been written many times and sensed by millions, nevertheless timeless and faulty. Washed with tears of poets and mere mortals, so explicit and brilliant. An incurable ailment, famous, but with each in its own way. An ailment that bites into a wanderer, turning into a shadow of the wanderer, into his only friend. Oh universal loneliness of an immigrant! All your transformations, habituations, all that implies the evolution of the personality, can end with a mutant. And still, always, a stranger. Neither there nor here. Now you won’t go back, beaten by experience with eyes opened up wider than is possible, and there is no strength for forward neither, you only dangle like a balloon from a passed holiday somewhere in ‘now’, regretting and not wishing. Searching and searching for these ghostly ‘yours’, not according to the passport, but according to the thoughts, you are searching for what you have made up yourself, and so here you find something completely not right, but random and whatever there is. And it seemed that everyone was talking about it all the same, but why did no one say it? An old, worn and broken hurdy-gurdy.

From the gills to the ears, you’ve been coming to a human for so long, you have multiplied, stumbled, destroyed selecting the best, and leaving only a couple of unnecessary nipples, you arrived, you reached the peak of your best self, a self that doesn’t need you. Through millions of years, you invented and built a system for people in which people are not needed. We people, unneeded, victims of our own ambitions, we are born to die, and preferably faster, we rush to finish everything, childhood, college, love, sex, marriage, day, dinner, and then retire, and then retire from retirement. Because the system is so complex and unconquerable to reach the minimum circles of needs and comforts, we waste our whole life and usually die without receiving at least an echo of our desires. Life proclaimed beautiful is only a vicious circle, a rodent's wheel, where in false hopes for response you, a hamster, with all your four, like a tractor tumble on in order to reach the criterion of Ozymandias, transform all your essence believing that it's better for you, that in the finals, becoming what they asked, you will receive a magical prize consisting of prosperity, recognition, freedom, comfort, happiness and other flattering words, that in front of every one of those words will be your name. But the way is too long, in comparison with the length of a hamster's life. You are used and unneeded, tricked, and too old to protest and act now differently. Now you no longer hope, but are simply content with the cell that you have. Then the feeling of contentment, along with all the other feelings, disappears somewhere, you defecate lying down for the last time, you writhe a little in the agony of death and PUFF!

Realising all this and still having some life ahead, not dying yet, my question is how to live with this? Rejoice in the trifles, follow the leaders, get distracted, let everything go by itself, abandon all desires, love yourself unconditionally, trust others without demanding proof of their intentions? No. Each of these points is too controversial and relative, especially when theory and practice are such different poles. The overwhelming fear that I have only one life, and that I always have to choose only one thing, and sometimes not the one I want, and that the choice can be wrong and lead to consequences, call me paranoid, but can one live being devoid of such questions? Life is indeed too short to fill up your head with this existential rubbish, yet life is even shorter to keep on making mistakes one on top of another, and to find this fragile balance, to reach this long-desired golden middle seems absolutely unrealisable.

They say having a question is already half of an answer, so let’s consider this observational essay as that fifty percent of the answer and I would be very grateful to the readers if you would share your ideas on how to live your life knowing how horrible and hopeless life is.