Very angry girl

Tomorrow I again have nothing to do.I was kicked out of the academy)
And basically I'm or killing time or idle. anyway this is the same things. Yes, yes, I create videos, trying to steer, but all this is not so! Just don't know how to begin to move. My brokenness head ... here only questions and no one answer.
One old saying - "When you don't know what to do, don't do anything, life itself would provide a solution".
what nonsense?I cannot like this. inaction - is tantamount to death! I'm stuck!
 I am lost in time.
6 months. It's so much! And you can  remember one second. 6 months drove me out from life lived for 20 years! oh sorry, 21. And I, for the first time in my life regret about all that happened. About my biggest  mistake. This - not fate. All this-randomness. Randomness! One of biggest random creepy  error. for what such an experience? I'm a clever girl. I don't need it! damn! All upside! tainted! In real, if you could look at my inner world, he would look like post-war period. Nothing grows and nothing prospers. And I do not know where I get power to create. It is simply my real air and part of me as an arm or leg. Some say to me: "Find work! Any! What ever!" But I cannot. I'm not lazy, but I cannot. Then, I just put up with gray weekdays. Will live with everyday living. Work will take all my strength and I'll forget about my "air". And I will live in vacuum.
Like all the others. Like all, those who give me advice "Don't worry and find a job."
 All those who say "Don't exaggerate, don't be anxious"
 All those who love television and spend holidays in Turkey or Bulgaria.
 All those who live up to his neck in the credits!
 All those who believe that marriage - this is happiness.
 All those who agree with weakness, instead of being strong!
 All those who sleep at night!
 All those who reject what can not understand!
 All those who barter their dreams on a chair in the office. This is so sad!
 All those who are tired all the time!
 All those who are afraid to live!
 fuck off you all!
And you might ask "So what, you're so brave and greyhound sitting in a loser?"
And I respond: "Maybe I sit in the losers, but look at yourself, what you represent? Are you happy? No! You not! You don't understand anything"  shit. my cigarettes ended.